A Little More About Me
The Elaine, you see here and will get to hear about, and I am a calm, happy and content human, full of unconditional self love.
This for me, is THE most important thing that I can share with you about my 'identity'.
Because in life, we tend to lead with what we 'do' as a statement of who we 'are'.
But as I am here to help you, it's only right I tell you a little more about what I do...but first let me tell you how I got here.
What you now is a woman in her mid forties, who takes pride in her work as an Integrative Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, Retreat Leader and Public Speaker... but I haven't always had this lust for life.
I got to 39, single, no kids.... and I suddenly felt this panic. Had I done enough in life? Was I truly happy? Should I strive for more career progression or had I put my career first for too long? Should I try and find someone and settle down and have a family? And why hadn't I done it all yet? Was it too late? What was wrong with me? Why did I feel like I don't fit in anywhere?
At this point, I had 'achieved' so much on paper- amazing career as a high level manager in the fitness industry, my dream home, nice cars, amazing physique, buzzing social life... seems great, right?
And it was.....
Until it really wasn't.
I always knew my childhood wasn't the best (go to my podcast for more on that), but despite being pretty troubled (and bullied), and leaving school with 1 grade C in English, (because I f'ing hated school) I fell into the world of work, firstly retail (I was a store manager by 22, which set the tone for what I though being a success was) and then I decided to embark on a career change into fitness (having discovered it aged 21 and transformed my love of activity) and become a PT and group exercise instructor. I remember my why so clearly- I wanted to help people like I had been helped.
At this point I was outwardly achieving a lot and was seen as super confident...and to start with, I was really happy to be helping people. That was my focus.
But then the attention turned to me and how I looked. Aged 23, I was called 'fat'. To my face. And I was so ashamed.
I started to hide my body, but being at the front of the class, I couldn't help but think that everyone was judging me.
I had to fake the confidence, and be the bubbly, happy instructor. But in truth? I was deeply unhappy inside.
Surrounded by ideas of external perfection, I started to become very detached from my why, and a whole new beast emerged within.
I channeled my lack of confidence into obsession making the 'outside' better. I became appearance obsessed. I went on a diet. I was then continuously applauded for obsessively healthy eating and 'finally' got the recognition I thought I wanted...I was LIKED! I was no longer seen as fat! (And as it happens even though I was a size 8 but became utterly miserable....mainly because I was eating so little and obsessed with keeping to the 'ideal' size and it becoming increasingly hard to maintain).
Around the same time, I was climbing the corporate ladder. I had a company car, a good salary ...a world away for my poverty ridden early start in life, growing up in a council owned flat in a pretty bad area... and this meant (to me) that I was 'someone' ... I was no longer the under educated council-estate kid with no money and jumble sale clothes...I was something! Someone!
The outside of me became my identity, and the more praise I got for being 'thin and successful' the more I craved it and needed to hang onto it.
I had a string of poor dating and relationships (which made for comedy value and another part of my 'career matters most' identity.
Age 39, I was happy enough on the outside but crumbling on the inside. I turned to food for comfort (away from the obsessive healthy type). I was binge drinking every weekend. I was shopping excessively to cheer myself up (didn't work for longer than and a day...but hey, I still have some very swanky coats) and getting into debt. I was ill and burned out. I thought I just needed a rest and a reset. And I thought my story was all about 'work'.
How wrong I was ....I will try and keep this short, but if you want to know more, I've said a lot on my podcast.
I had NEVER met my Life Coach and Mentor on day 2 of a Yoga retreat. I started crying and literally couldn't stop. I didn't realise how unhappy and exhausted I had become. I was at the later stages of burnout and I needed help.
At that point I became 'consciously unhappy'.
Finally I could put some sort of perspective on my life. I knew where I was and knew I needed things to change.
Through coaching I identified some of my surface level limiting beliefs- that I wasn't good enough to leave my job and do something different. That I wasn't good enough in the job I was in. That I wasn't good enough to attract the 'right guys' - just the wrong ones. That I was fat and ugly and this was why I was single....
The theme? I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
Does this resonate? Feelings of not being good enough? Shrinking to fit? People pleasing? Saying yes when you want to say no?
Further down the line with therapy, I learned this came from childhood trauma, and my deepest core belief was that I was unloveable (due to a lack of unconditional love in childhood) which explained had low level anxiety for my whole life yet thought 'I was just a worrier' (no one is a natural born worrier). I was a massive people pleaser in a bid to always be liked and never rock the boat.
As a result I was telling myself stories around what my life 'should' look like. The job I 'should' have to be seen as successful and to be 'liked'. The 'crazy' love life with inappropriate partners and drama to match. The 'independent' woman who can have everything.
Reality? I felt unfulfilled. Miserable. Full of self loathing and I was lonely. My 'unloveable' story I knew nothing about was being kept alive by the life I was leading.
I worked on a 12 month coaching programme, and with further therapy (ongoing) which enabled me to:
👉 be happy in my own skin, to be myself and LOVE who I am
👉 find full self acceptance and create an suer confidence in my self image
👉 create a healthy mindset and curb the negative self talk
👉minimise stress and anxiety to normal healthy levels
👉 quit my corporate career and set up my own Coaching, Therapy and Lifestyle business in 2018
👉 became a qualified Life Coach, accredited to the ICF
👉 became a qualified Hypnotherapist and Psychotherapy student
👉 sell my house and moved to a new city to build a new personal and business life in 2022
The list is endless.. and will keep going for me.
But how does all if this help you?
start your self love journey today!
Through me doing my inner work, I also unleashed my full soul purpose!
I want to help you find unconditional love for YOU: the type of love that doesn't just come from AN Other or ANYTHING other.
I want you to know it's possible.
I want you to know I believe you can.
I want you to know you are enough.