The year of the fire horse isn't a guarantee your life will change; but YOU are.

From a therapist and former 'self hater' with a dysfunctional child/adulthood who healed her relationship with herself and may help you do the same...

It's the year of the fire horse, and EVERYONE is talking about it… but no one is talking about something way more powerful. 

And that's self trust. 

Now I LOVE moon cycles, tarot and hearing about different ways of living; the guiding principles, the energies, the UNIVERSE… but I also know how it can create a big disconnect from ‘Self’.

It's easy to get lost in a sea of answers, and now there seems to be more choice of ‘what’ and ‘who’ to believe rather than the simplicity of learning to believe yourself.

The effect of social media means everyone jumps onto a bandwagon, which creates confirmation bias- if ‘they’ are talking about it, it must be true. 

Well my friends, if the chinese lunar new year is THE guiding principle for EVERYONE, where were these people when it was the year of the rat? 😂

I get it. No really, I do.

As I said, I actually LOVE the many different ways of exploring life and in the past I have based a LOT of faith in them when I couldn't fully trust the whispers inside. 

Too much faith in fact. 

I ended up in a codependent relationship with the universe. 

And like any codependency, what it ‘can’ give it can also take away and the more I relied on signs, and cards, the less I relied on my own wisdom. 

If you feel like life keeps giving you shi*ty situations, this is why the year of the fire horse will seem like a beacon of hope, but actually may not change a single thing.

Maybe you find yourself not seeing the red flags or speaking up about hurtful behaviours in relationship. Maybe you are saying ‘yes’ to a shed load of things which leaves you feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and resentful that people keep 'putting' on you. And maybe you are becoming aware that your choices just don’t feel right.

You find yourself hoping for things to change; you want a ‘better’ love life, boundaries and to make choices that feel good. You doom scroll on insta searching for answers. You’ve read the posts, followed all the advice that should help, yet somehow they aren’t working and you end up doubting yourself even more.and get attached to external forces that appear to create a certainty you can’t create yourself.

Here’s what I need you to know: This attachment can create dependent principles in life, which may sound like ‘it must be because of the year of the snake/moon cycle/mercury in retrograde’ or ‘the year of the horse/ new moon/ planet placement will make everything ok’.

What gets left out is YOU and what you can control, and the truth is...

These guiding principles were never meant to replace your inner guidance and discernment; they were meant to guide you towards it.

Nuance has been lost in the favour of impact on social media, and when you don’t trust yourself, a bold statement that appears to give you the answer to your ‘problem’ will always be attractive.

If you are someone who struggles with this, this could explain why: as children, we lack self trust because we are children; we need adults to guide us until we can create our own.If this process gets disrupted, we can become dependent on constantly looking for the external ‘fix’. 

Social media can feed this need, and potentially create further external attachment to ‘what’s ‘right’; it can seem truthful when lots of people you have trust in (influencers, celebrities and relatable folks) share the same concept; it appears endorsed and it appears true, and as a result we don't learn to listen to our inner guidance, intuition and judgement.

What I have found is truly transformative, is learning to self connect and go within; being able to dial down fears, create less noise from the inner critic, to regulate the nervous system response and to learn to look to yourself for the answers you seek.

As a therapist, I know It’s not that you don’t want to change- it’s that you are looking in the wrong places to try and change it. You can create the life opportunities you desire; you just need to learn to trust yourself first. 

And there are actually many times in each day that you do trust yourself, you just haven’t focussed on it, because it’s both normal and ‘not critical.

The closer the decision is to a feeling or experience you are trying to protect yourself from, the greater the chances are you will avoid it, by any means.

When clients come to me, they are often so focussed on the things they can’t trust themselves with, they can’t see what they do.

This helps you to build evidence that you can make good choices because you already do, and that it’s safe for you to start making decisions that feel out of reach right now.

One of the most effective processes that my clients and I do together is to work on when making decisions have felt both safe and effective to help you build confidence in day to day functions in life.

We can use this as evidence for your mind and nervous system that you are capable of making decisions, and that what was once uncomfortable has become easeful.

This will allow you, step by step, to apply this to bigger situations in your life, once you realise as an adult that you can trust yourself, your choices, the process, because you know you’ll be ok, no matter what the outcome might be.

Helping people feel empowered to follow their own judgement in life (instead of living in fear of other peoples) is exactly why I do this work and exactly why I am sharing this with you.

Did any parts of this resonate for you?

Use this as a gentle touchpoint of self connection; you can journal, or ponder, whatever works for YOU….

💚 What decisions do you make each day where you can fully trust yourself? 

💚 How might you confirm yourself that you CAN trust yourself?

💚 How would you like to use this as evidence that you CAN trust yourself? What would you like to be different in your life that can be influenced by your ability to make different choices?

Maybe give it a go? Reflect on what decisions that you do make, where you absolutely trust yourself, and start to build a little bit of 'yes I CAN' that might just to take you towards a courageous step into something bigger.

If this resonated for you, you are not alone. I am a Psychotherapist and self love specialist and have helped hundreds of women like you to transform their relationship to self to create less ‘trying and doing’ and more space for fun and freedom.

In therapy sessions I create a trusting, professional, therapeutic relationship where it can feel safe to be fully yourself- without judgement, co- creating a space where we explore external situations and find your internal solutions. This helps you to build self trust from a deep foundation, so you learn how to get back to ‘Self’ rather than be led by fear of ‘what if’, along with less overthinking, better boundaries, better relationships and more aligned ‘present moment’ decisions (rather than reaction to a trigger from the past).

If you feel ready to be supported in your journey by me, an accredited psychotherapeutic counsellor and coach, head over to my website to find out more about how I can support your journey into self and self love.

To hear more on self love, Pop over to my podcast where I dive deeper into all the topics and you can join my FREE community (like a private social media page) here ... with a membership coming soon!

See you soon and don't forget to go love yourself more today,

Elaine x

Disclaimer: This blog is to provoke new thinking and reflection in the given subject. It is not, therefore, a replacement for therapy, or in any way acting as therapy. The tips or advice given are to be taken as your own choice, and to explore what you may need to work through with a professional in a 1:1 setting. It is written as a more lighthearted exploration, rather than a formal academic piece, which reflects facts, theories, others and my own viewpoints that I feel connect with the subject.