The 7 types of inner critic and the surprising ways they 'show up'

From a former 'self hater' with a dysfunctional child/adulthood who healed her relationship with herself and is now a therapist helping others to do the same...

That's right my friend, there are 7 different identities the inner critic takes on, not actually to make us feel like a piece of sh*t, but actually to protect us.

Here me out.

As a human, life coach and now psychotherapist, I have been working with of the 'self talk' we engage in and the different 'narratives' we hold within. Since I started working with 'parts' and 'Internal Family Systems' (IFS) therapy, it's only become more apparent to me that this is where the route to self love lies.

You've all likely said the word 'part of me thinks/feels', right? Your parts exist. You literally speak about them. What happens beyond the connection to the 'parts' is that we get caught in the inner dialogue of all of the parts, and the protective force of the inner critic, who often speaks the loudest, wins.

It's not just a voice though. And that's why trying to 'affirmation' you way out of it doesn't work.

The inner critic is the voice of the mind/ nervous system pattern that is protecting a part of you that once experienced fear due to (not limited to) emotional and/or physical pain. This part gets locked away in the unconscious mind/body, and a 'protective part' is developed to take over, which either seeks to 'manage' your actions and behaviours to keep you safe, or 'firefight' to remove you from perceived danger more immediately.

As a child, we have an underdeveloped 'logical' sense of self, so often, there is just this critical thinking that is deployed and developed to (literally) keep us alive, because without adults, we wouldn't survive.

As adults, these patterns become more problematic because the calm, present 'Self' energy sees situations that you 'should' be ok with, but your inner critic acts from the place of 'this isn't safe, no you can't'.

So you get stuck. Stuck between where you are and where you want to be. Stuck between who you really are and who your inner critic tells you to be.

In life.

In work.

In relationships.

And there are 7 different ways it plays out in your life; ways in which you might resonate.

Theorised by developed by Psychologist Jay Earley and Psychotherapist Bonnie Weiss, the 7 types of inner critics are internalised voices that, while often harsh, try to protect individuals from emotional or physical pain, failure, social rejection or abandonment.

1. The perfectionist demands flawlessness, sets extremely high standards, criticizes mistakes as failures- this can play out with work tasks, home tasks and even 'perfect' scenarios. Perfectionism can be a shield and also then connects further into this self blame that we get into when we don't achieve it. It can also connect with our procrastination because we often we often can have fear around something that feels so overwhelming because we've created all of the perfectionist rules around it.

2. The Taskmaster drives you to work relentlessly, fearing laziness or mediocrity, often pushing you to achieve more.. So that voice sounds like 'you're so lazy' or 'work harder' and you may lack boundaries, particularly when parenting/family or at work, which you'll prioritise, likely have no 'off' switch and regularly experience different levels of burnout (and feel resentful when people don't tell you to stop)

3. The conformist wants you to fit societal, family or cultural moulds attacking individuality and authentic expression.People pleasing is the love language of this inner critic, and speaks of 'what will people think'? And not just that, I think there's way more to it it... What will people do? Will people exclude me from the family? Will people exclude me from the religion?Will people exclude me from the friendship group? That is a huge driver in early years when we are trying to form our sense of self. It's the sense of fitting in and really connects with lack of boundaries, not being able to say yes to yourself.

4. The Underminer sabotages your self esteem and efforts trying to keep you small to prevent failure, rejection or judgement. And it speaks the kind of narrative that says 'don't even try, you'll fail'. Procrastination and talking yourself out of things also live here

5. The guilt tripper holds you captive to past mistakes or perceived hurts and focused on guilt to control behaviour and sounds like 'how could you do that to them'?

What I find comes up here a lot is the perception that what will that do to them?And often it's past 'perceived' guilt comes up, and that guilt is often out of context to anything you've actually done.

6. The Destroyer delivers pervasive direct attacks on your core self worth, making you feel worthless or undeserving and a more direct attack that sounds like 'you are not enough, you are not worthy'. This is where you'll likely find self defeating and sabotaging behaviours, so when things 'appear' to be going well, in comes the destroyer.

7. The Inner controller tries to contain a regular impulsive behaviour (eating, drinking, spending) to prevent you from getting out of control or feeling ashamed. Ever had 'hanxiety' and the voice of shame after a 'big' night out? That's the inner controller.

So, how do we get to the calm, confident energy of the 'Self'? The real person with in that we are trying to love?

Well, our first instinct is to fight with, silence, overcome or somehow 'remove' the inner critic, but actually they are best to be understood, as they often have positive, protective intentions for the Self, even if their methods feel harsh and sometimes harmful. Learning to recognise their voice, and addressing the underlying fearful part or protective goal they are trying to achieve is key. When they trust 'you' they become less over protective and let the 'Self' lead the way.

To hear more on this, Pop over to my podcast where I dive deeper into the 7 types with examples of how they have played out for me. If you feel ready to be supported in your journey by me, an accredited psychotherapeutic counsellor and coach, head over to my website to find out more about how I can support your journey into self and self love.

See you soon, self love seeker!

Elaine 🙌

Disclaimer: This blog is to provoke new thinking and reflection in the given subject. It is not, therefore, a replacement for therapy, or in any way acting as therapy. The tips or advice given are to be taken as your own choice, and to explore what you may need to work through with a professional in a 1:1 setting. It is written as a more lighthearted exploration, rather than a formal academic piece, which reflects facts, theories, others and my own viewpoints that I feel connect with the subject.