Ah, New Year.
A time of hope.
And I do hope that 2025 is prosperous and healthy for you.
And maybe you have found yourself hoping this year will be a good one (and for a lot of people 2024 was a sh*t show, so you maybe reading this hoping for it to be better).
Hoping that this will be the year everything finally changes.
Hoping this is the year you'll master it... you will lose the weight, get the job, get the relationship....get or do 'the thing'.... hoping that 2025 is YOUR year.
And it absolutely can be..... if you the 'you' in your does something different.
Maybe you've tried goal setting, manifesting...but something just doesn't seem to work or stick for you....and when it doesn't happen or you 'give up' and go back to what you didn't want, you end up feeling worse than you did before and that you belief that you are not worthy or good enough keeps getting bigger.

If this resonates, read on.
Whether it's a manifesting ritual, or a goal setting exercise, this is actually a good place to start- getting super clear on what you want is step one, and is a very important one because without a destination, you will be pretty aimless.
And I think most of us are pretty good at thinking we know what we want, but we don't necessarily connect with the why and this is the most important part- both the superficial, surface level why, and the deeper, more emotional why.
What if I said maybe you want to lose weight because you want your partner or future partner to accept you (surface level) because it didn't feel like your Dad truly did?
What if I said maybe you want to get that new job to gain acceptance from peers on social media because as school you never were?
What if I said maybe you wanted a relationship to prove you are 'good and attractive' enough and appear worthy to the outside world?
This is what I mean about going beyond the superficial, so you get to the real reason, and then when you do?
Changing it.
Why? Don't we all need a reason that motivates us to create change?
Yes, we do...but for long lasting changes that become you, they need to be driven by self love and not self hate, and trust me if you are doing things for the validation of others, it will never be realised or will be short lived and you will end up going back to what you've always done or been.
The same goes for 'I will love myself or be happy when I have xxxxxxx'. If you're waiting for a smaller body, a job or a partner to change how you feel about you, you will be waiting a long ass time... and also you will be pretty f*cked over emotionally if they disappear and your confidence, or belief about you was co-dependent on someone or something else.
The size and shape of your body does not determine how you feel about you. I can guess that some of you just went 'of course it does- I am out of shape, therefore I feel shit'... but I promise there is at least one person on this planet who looks like you do and still feels enough, and has a partner that accepts them just as they are.
Your job status or work ethic are also not reasons to be loved more. I know people who work part time doing a 'regular' job who are way happier than when they worked in corporate higher level positions.
You relationship status means f*ck all to your enoughness. I know many people, myself included, who aren't waiting to be chosen, or feel inadequate being single.
They don't add up because they aren't true. They are true in your mind because deep down you just want to be accepted and loved for who you are, and are doing anything you can to make that happen.
That stings a bit hey.
Does that mean you shouldn't create goals or vision boards? Hell no! The 'best' (not better than) version of you exists in the future but they also exist now and deserve a journey that feels great not hard and awful.
I believe wholeheartedly in manifesting/ goal achievement... but what irked me enough tp stop doing the NY workshops is that everyone on the workshops has a unique blueprint as to what they are or not allowing into their lives, and that make me feel helpless, because I want anyone that works with me to create long lasting changes, instead of being on this merry-go-round that always results in them feeling shit when they give up fail...it just add to the 'I am not enough' story and I didn't want to do that.
Manifesting is a buzz term and is big business. Coaches do say that you need to believe it will happen, and you need to love yourself to manifest, yet they still springboard back to 'visualise it and it will happen'.
It will... but only if you believe you are worthy enough. The truth about manifesting is believing you are worthy enough; creating self belief and loving yourself so unconditionally that failure means jack shit to your 'ego self' and in fact it excites you that you get to learn and grow from it. Master 'manifestors' all have one thing on common- they have unshakeable self belief and accept failure is part of the journey.
Change comes down to these key factors:
What am I allowing and not allowing into my life?
Why am I allowing and not allowing these things into my life?
Spoiler alert- what you allow or don't allow will connect to your relationship to 'safety and comfort' and not 'vulnerability or the possibility of failure'.
Unless you get to the core of why you can't be vulnerable and open to change; to find out why you need external validation so badly.....unless you heal and make conscious what is buried deep in your mind and nervous system... your mind will warp any kind of change to connect with these deep beliefs, which may appear or sound like this:
Avoiding the gym when you have the time and energy to go
You can't do that- why would you even try?
Going 120% intensity and stopping after a few weeks
You've failed- AGAIN! Why do you bother?
Rigid perfectionism with no room for error
You can't even get that right- what hope is there for you?
Your 'inner critic' or 'inner critical parent' gives you hard time so you either don't fail (because failure is the worst thing that could happen) or don't start (because then failure can't happen).
When we have been lead to believe that failure is as harmful to us as a saber tooth tiger in the woods, we will absolutely fear it, and we will not want tp step anywhere outside the safe zone unless there is a guaranteed outcome of 'safety or love' which we usually think lies in...
.......validation.
Where do we learn this? Parents, caregivers, teachers, peers...who purposefully or inadvertently gave us a mixed message about who we are- that unless we 'achieve' something, we are not worthy of being seen; that we need to change in order to be 'loved'; that failure is 'not an option'; that somehow we should be ashamed if we sit outside of any of the conditions 'they' have set.
So...why is this important right now?
Because these are all the things that need to be unlearned when you are trying to make changes, because if you don't they will still be there and will still reappear in your life when you least expect it.
Have you ever changed your kitchen cupboards around and still go back to the 'wrong' one continuously, even though you 'know better'? This is an example of a subconscious habit created by the mind and body, which allows it to go on autopilot. When you get it wrong, you learn from it, until eventually you go to the 'wrong' cupboard less and less, and usually there's sense of understanding why you might go back to the 'wrong' cupboard... because you've been using it for years and this is a new thing to get used to.
Working on your subconscious mind/body related 'autopilot' habits is exactly the same process. You practice the new behaviour whilst being compassionate about the return of the old ones, until the old ones get less and less... the key thing to remember is, figuring it out on your own might not be possible- the cupboard might be so full of things you don't want to see that you may just need someone to help you unload it, change it and refill it with something new.
It all comes back to...
What am I allowing and not allowing into my life?
Why am I allowing and not allowing these things into my life?
The why is the bit we often need help with.
A great therapist or coach will help you believe in yourself and get over the barriers/hurdles to help you fall in love with you and create a life that feels incredible.
You won't give a shite what anyone else thinks when you are doing it for YOU.
So can 2025 be your year? The answer is still yes. But maybe the 'work' you do is on the inside this year, so the outside feels aligned and effortless in years to come.
To hear more on this, Pop over to my podcast where I dive deeper into '2025....' in my latest episode. If you feel ready to be supported in your journey by me, an accredited psychotherapeutic counsellor and coach, head over to my website to find out more about how I can support your journey into self.
See you soon, self love seeker!
Elaine 🙌
Disclaimer: This blog is to provoke new thinking and reflection in the given subject. It is not, therefore, a replacement for therapy, or in any way acting as therapy. The tips or advice given are to be taken as your own choice, and to explore what you may need to work through with a professional in a 1:1 setting. It is written as a more lighthearted exploration, rather than a formal academic piece, which reflects facts, theories, others and my own viewpoints that I feel connect with the subject.
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